Once, a mother came to Mahatma Gandhi with her young son. She wanted Gandhi to advise her child to stop eating too many sweets, as his teeth were already damaged from excessive candy consumption. Gandhi paused, looking at the boy's decayed teeth in deep thought.
After a moment of reflection, Gandhi told the mother and her son to return in three days. With the charisma he possessed, the mother agreed without question. Three days later, they returned, and Gandhi gave the child words of wisdom. In no time, the boy agreed to stop eating sweets.
Puzzled, the mother asked, “You could have given this advice three days ago. Why did we have to wait?”
With a gentle smile, Gandhi replied, “I'm sorry, but three days ago, I was still eating sweets myself.”
I first heard this anecdote from Mr. Dadang Trisasongko, Secretary-General of Transparency International Indonesia (TII) at the time, during a discussion forum. The story struck a chord with me immediately. It made me realize how unfair it is to tell others to stop doing something harmful while still indulging in it myself.
He also pointed out something profound: perhaps corruption in this country is so difficult to eradicate because we ourselves still engage in it, even in small ways. We compromise—whether by using shortcuts for administrative documents, offering gifts to teachers for better grades, obtaining a driver's license without a proper test, and so on.
If we still make these compromises, is it really fair to condemn officials for their corruption? Perhaps we are all complicit in the system we criticize.
The same principle was followed by the band Efek Rumah Kaca when they committed to avoiding pornography before releasing their song "Kenakalan Remaja di Era Informatika" (Teenage Delinquency in the Information Age). They believed it would be hypocritical to instill values of maturity in their listeners while still engaging in immature behavior themselves.
For this reason, I rarely urge people toward goodness or forbid them from wrongdoing. I don't feel I am truly good myself. And sometimes, good and bad are shades of gray.
But Maybe We don't Need to Wait Three Days
One day, I saw a father scolding his son for smoking, even though he was a smoker himself. I found it frustrating and muttered, “If the father smokes, of course, the child will just follow his example.”
But my mother calmly reminded me, "If the father does not stop his son from a bad habit, then who will?""
This aligns with the words of Sa'id bin Jubair, who said:
“If advising others was only permitted for those who are perfect, then no one would be allowed to do so.”
Imam Malik considered this a profound statement (1).
Similarly, Hasan al-Basri, a renowned Muslim scholar from the Umayyad era, once said:
“O people, I give you advice, yet I am not the most righteous among you. I have committed many sins and struggle to restrain myself from disobedience. If believers were only allowed to advise others after achieving perfection, then all advisors would disappear, and few would remain to remind us.” (1)
So, if you have the strength and courage to encourage goodness and speak against wrongdoing, then do so—even if you struggle to fully live up to those ideals yourself. No need to wait three days to convince yourself that you're not a hypocrite. As long as your intentions are pure and for the sake of goodness, it will, InshaAllah, count as righteousness in the Hereafter.
However, self-improvement and reflection remain crucial. :)
Fajrin Y. M.
2017
(1) Muslim.or.id | Haruskah Menjadi Sempurna Untuk Bisa Menasehati?